I thought this list was amusing. You can find it at http://www.murphys-laws.com/
Disclaimer: Yes these jokes are offensive, politically incorrect, maybe tasteless to some people, and sexist to both men and women. So I apologize to anyone that is offended ahead of time. Go send your hatemail to http://www.murphys-laws.com/ . No they do not reflect my true innerself. In reality i'm caring, loving, sensitive, politically correct, impartial to any discriminatory standard, fuzzy, warm and everything else we should be. (or so i can claim on the web with no need for evidence) That being said enjoy.
Murphy's Laws of Emergency Medicine
1. Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
2. All bleeding stops... eventually.
3. You can't cure stupid.
4. If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
5. It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
6. There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
7. You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
8. Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
9. Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
10. Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
11. The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
12. Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
13. As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
Murphy's war laws
1. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
2. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
3. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
4. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
5. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
when they're ready.
when you're not.
Murphy's love laws
1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
5. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
6. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
7. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
8. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.
9. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
10. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
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